“In the flush of love’s light, we dare be brave. And suddenly we see that love costs
all we are, and will ever be. Yet it is only love which sets us free.”
“Touched By An Angel” Maya Angelou
A really nice woman contacted me about Oscar. She was gentle, kind, and really wanted to meet Oscar. I asked the pertinent questions and then we had her visit.
She was immediately charmed by Oscar’s beauty. (How could she not be? Isn’t he a bit of a George Clooney?) Oscar did all he could do to ignore her. He retreated to his favourite sleeping corner under the big palm and stayed there. Now and then he eyed her suspiciously. Treats, toys, and games he loves could not entice him to engage. We went downstairs for a little while and then came back up and he sat with me and she was able to touch him a little. Still he was very hesitant and stiff and sauntered off shortly.
This is my fault. I have not tested him with people or acclimatized him – I don’t take people to my bedroom often. It’s funny though – when he met the guy who first wanted to adopt him, Oscar was more gregarious.
My concerns with this adoption were that she had never had a cat before and that she lives in a studio apartment that is limited space. She has a gentle touch with Oscar but is very hesitant and trepidatious. I wonder if he felt that? Oscar might not be the best ‘first cat’ for someone and would do well with someone who has an experienced hand – but I won’t dismiss someone just because they are a newbie. We were all newbies once! As for the space – I struggled here. Petfinder says that a bachelor/studio apartment is too small for a cat – for quality of life. There’s lots of debate as to what constitutes ‘sufficient’ space.
I told her to take a few days and think about it – because adopting a cat is forever and she had to be sure about it. She asked lots of pertinent questions about cat-care by e-mails.
On Wednesday morning she responded – she had decided not to adopt Oscar. She didn’t think he liked her and was worried that he would not become attached to her. She also was very concerned that she couldn’t pick him up so how would she get him into a carrier to go to the vets? This was a question she had asked me before – and she hoped that cats learned to ‘want’ to go into carriers on their own. Though I had provided her with an answer and offered a demonstration, it was not enough.
Despite my honest assurances that Oscar just takes time, is initially shy and would come around to being very loving since that is his nature, she was not able to see beyond that first meeting. Sad as it is, this is fair. It’s hard to be brave and love a cat you don’t know.
In adopting a pet, I really think it has to be love. Maybe not love at first sight – but love. You have to follow your heart.
The Kitten Kaboodle 
You raise some important points. For all Harvey’s progress, I still cannot pick him up, so I can’t get him into a cat carrier. I’m lucky that my vet will come to visit Harvey, but he has to be sedated to be examined. Like you, I don’t get many visitors, so the only other person Harvey interacts with is my husband. Harvey likes him but doesn’t really tolerate much in the way of petting from him. He will allow one friend (a feral whisperer) to pet him with the back scratcher. He shys away from the two cat sitters that have been here and allows no contact. My friend, the feral expert says it is not unusual for a feral to tame-up for it’s main care giver and exclude all others.
I wonder how Oscar is going to interact with someone new? Can you pick him up with ease? Do you have a strategy for getting him into a carrier. Is your vet able to examine Oscar easily?
Oscar’s and Harvey’s similarities are remarkable and really do point to a genetic-programmed process of ‘taming’. This is so interesting, Joanna. Oscar has been to the vet 3x and to get his claws trimmed an additional time – and he was put in the carrier with gentle but insistent pushing while he has a fleece on his body (it’s for protection, but he’s never tried to bite or claw at this point – he’s just 14lbs of protest). Oscar is fine at the vet’s and just needs to be held with a steady hand – we keep the fleece close by – it makes them feel secure. Oscar let his first ‘adopter’ pet him easily – I was impressed. He’s a little hesitant with my spouse, but does go to him for petting and rubs his legs etc. I think I am going to make a concerted effort to take one or two people to meet him. I can’t pick Oscar up – but I didn’t spend any time trying. Since this ‘lost adoption’, I have been picking up his front end and giving him a cuddle as part of a greeting at least once a day. I want him to acclimatize to it and associate positive thoughts with it – even if it’s not my natural need to pick him up.
I agree it should be a love match, not just one on beauty either. I struggle with that when i have beautiful kittens.. heck I struggle with that when I have “average” kittens too. Sweet little all black kittens are so easily over looked..
As for a studio apartment, it all depends on what the people are willing and able to do for them. Climbing posts, and shelves and windows to look out and toys to play with and be played with when the person is around, then it really doesn’t matter the floor space.. it is what is in the home not how big it is that matters..